Give up

I keep trying to keep living normally. I know I can't escape. But there's always the lingering knowledge at the back of my mind that it would be so much easier to give up.

Routine

I have to try to forget about all of this. It's hard, but every time I move somewhere else, the shape and the stranger are there, and nothing I can do will stop them. So as terrified as I still am, I just have to live with it. Make the fear routine.

I really hope I can.

Losing coherence

I know I'm starting to lose coherence lately.

Well, I haven't been entirely honest with you. See, when I said the stranger's face was blurred by the flash, I knew what really happened. The camera revealed the truth.

And I've been losing sleep. I mean, how am I supposed to sleep when no matter where I go there's a stranger staring at me, no matter what time I go to bed I hear something whispering to me and dragging something metallic across the ground as its dark shape moves away?

I'm not imagining things.

Or at least, I wasn't.

faces/claws

your face is not your face

your name is not your name

where should lie empty space

to fill it is a shame

the claws are sharp

the night is dark

there is nothing to fear

but what you strain to hear

Still here

He's still here.

I moved back to my parents' home and standing outside the window, one I used to imagine monsters peering into when I was little, is the stranger. He keeps watching me, but nobody else even knows he's there.

Why is this happening to me?

Why is this happening at all?

Bad dreams

Sorry about that. I woke up in the middle of the night after a bad dream, and for some reason my first instinct was to go write an update on my blog.

It was a really bad dream, by the way.

I dreamed that the stranger and the dark shape were both watching me, and both of them were advancing towards me slowly. The closer they got, the more clearly I could see how monstrous and inhuman they were. They tore me limb from limb.

I'm moving back home. I can't take being in this dorm anymore. It's too much. I can't deal with this stalker.

I won't tell Mom and Dad why I'm coming back. I don't want to explain all of this to them. I'll just say I miss them.

Night whispers

I keep having these dreams make it stop make it stop make it stop

The shape

I've never mentioned this before, but sometimes, when I wake up from one of those dreams about the whispers, I see a dark shape at the foot of my bed.

It's hard to make out any details. Something tells me I wouldn't like what I saw if I could.

Busy

Been a while, hasn't it?

I've been busy lately. I've had a lot going on in my life, even though I'm done with my college classes for the year. Mostly I'm going crazy figuring out what the deal is with the stranger who keeps staring at me.

I've filed stalking complaints to the college staff, but the stranger is never there when anyone else is.

Point is, the stranger has shown up several more times since I last posted here, and each time, although I somehow know it's him, there's something different about his face that I can never seem to pin down.

I haven't taken any more photos. Something tells me that would be a very bad idea.

Camera

I ended up buying a camera from the local electronics store. My phone has a camera, but the quality's garbage. It's more of a novelty than anything else, really. It's pretty cheap, but it does video, so I guess that's a plus. Not super important, though. The main thing is that I wanted to see if I could take a picture of the stranger and see if I could show it to someone else, or at least review it myself.

When I took a picture of the stranger, I realized I had forgotten to turn the flash off. It wasn't like he didn't see me already, though, so I figured it wasn't a big deal.

The weird thing is that he didn't blink when I took the picture, and come to think of it, I don't think I've seen him ever blink.

Then he walked away, really slowly, staring at me the entire time until he moved too far away to see me.

I think the flash ended up totally blurring out his face, because it just looked blank when I looked back at the picture I took.

The stranger's face

I saw the man staring at me again. This time, he wasn't standing by the street corner like he was last time. Instead, he was standing right beside an old oak tree.

The stranger's face looked different somehow, but I couldn't place it. I mean, for all I knew, he was a different person- I'm bad with faces, and a total stranger standing a ways away from me at night isn't going to look incredibly distinct. But I knew it was the same person. Something about the cold intensity of his gaze felt like he was the same watcher as before.

There was still something wrong about the stranger's face, but I still didn't know what.

Watcher

I often look outside my window at night. Last night, I saw a man looking back.

I was really startled for some reason. There was something wrong about him. I don't know what exactly. He was just a guy in a suit, but something about his face felt wrong.

He stood there for a solid ten seconds, just staring at me. Eventually, I felt freaked-out enough that I looked away. When I looked back, he wasn't there anymore.

The night

I've always liked nighttime. It's a problem sometimes, honestly- there have been times when my love of staying up late has caused me to inadvertently pull an all-nighter, left me waking up at 4 in the afternoon, or just made me so sleep-deprived I'd wake up in the middle of class the next day and realize I'd fallen asleep.

Point is, I'm a night owl. I enjoy staying up late. Something about nighttime feels... comforting, I guess. Occasional creepy dreams aside.

Oops

For some reason, my friend Tom brought up a blog he was writing and I remembered about this. It's been a while, huh?

Anyways, since I may as well keep using this blog, here's about the deal. My name's Sam, I'm an amateur writer and college freshman from Virginia, and I'm a trans girl. (This is why you won't see my friend in the comments- I'm not out to anyone in real life.) I like horror- movies, short stories, you name it. 

Still not sure about the whispering thing, though. I've had a few dreams like that since then, usually in the middle of periods where I haven't had dreams in a while. I have managed to catch a few snatches of concrete words, but only a few of them sound like they're in English, or any other language I know of. The only word I can remember off the top of my head is "write."